Fine print
Legal, Satire & Investment Disclaimer
Terms & Disclaimer
Our attorney has asked us to put this down here because apparently there remains a statistically non-zero possibility that someone could read an investment memorandum for a Phoenix snowblower rental company, review several pages of snowfall-adjusted EBITDA, and still ask where to wire the money.
Phoenix Snowblowing, Phoenix Snowblower Rentals, and any related companies, portfolio companies, investment funds, transactions, executive positions, financial projections, business plans, investment memoranda, market analyses, valuations, acquisitions, strategic initiatives, and other materials appearing on this website may be fictional, exaggerated, satirical, or created for purposes of comedy, commentary, and entertainment.
Nothing on this website constitutes an offer to sell securities, a solicitation of an offer to purchase securities, an invitation to invest, investment advice, financial advice, or a recommendation regarding any security, company, fund, transaction, or investment strategy. No securities are being offered or sold through this website, and we are not accepting investment funds based upon any materials presented here. Please do not send us money because you liked the snowblower thesis.
Any revenue figures, EBITDA calculations, adjusted EBITDA calculations, valuations, forecasts, market sizes, customer counts, utilization rates, transaction values, returns, growth rates, investment terms, sources and uses, exit multiples, operational statistics, weather assumptions, or other financial information appearing on this website should be regarded as parody unless expressly identified otherwise. Such information should not be relied upon for any business, financial, investment, legal, tax, meteorological, snow-removal, municipal-planning, or other decision.
This website may reference actual cities, government agencies, weather events, businesses, geographic locations, public officials, publications, or other real-world persons or entities for purposes of satire and commentary. Such references do not imply sponsorship, endorsement, affiliation, partnership, investment, approval, or participation by those persons or entities. Where real historical events or publicly available information are referenced, the comedic conclusions attributed to “Management” should not be confused with the views of the referenced organizations—or, in many cases, with common sense.
Company names, logos, trademarks, and other intellectual property belonging to third parties remain the property of their respective owners. Their appearance on this site, if any, is not intended to suggest endorsement or affiliation.
Although we make reasonable efforts not to completely fabricate the parts that are supposed to be factual, no representation or warranty is made regarding the completeness, accuracy, reliability, or continuing accuracy of information presented on this site. Weather changes. Markets change. Facts change. Phoenix may someday receive several feet of snow, at which point we reserve the right to pretend this entire thing was visionary.
This site is intended for entertainment, satire, parody, and commentary. If you are making an actual investment decision, please consult qualified legal, tax, and financial professionals rather than relying upon a website operated by people proposing to rent snowblowers in the Sonoran Desert.
Privacy Policy
Phoenix Snowblowing respects your privacy almost as much as we respect the possibility of measurable snowfall in Scottsdale. If you voluntarily provide us with information such as your name, email address, phone number, company information, or anything else through this website, we may use it to respond to you, operate and improve the site, send updates, promotions, marketing communications, or other information related to Phoenix Snowblowing and our increasingly questionable business ventures. We may also collect ordinary website information such as IP addresses, browser information, cookies, analytics, and general site activity to understand how people found us and, more importantly, why they stayed. We do not sell or rent your personal information to third parties for their independent marketing purposes. We may share information with trusted service providers that help us operate the website, send communications, analyze traffic, maintain security, or otherwise conduct our business, as well as when required by law or necessary to protect our rights. You may unsubscribe from marketing emails at any time using the unsubscribe link provided in those communications. While we take reasonable steps to protect information provided to us, no website, email system, database, snowblower rental yard, or other system can be guaranteed completely secure. By using this site or providing information to us, you acknowledge these practices. Questions or privacy requests may be directed to the contact information provided on this website. We reserve the right to update this policy from time to time, particularly if Phoenix unexpectedly becomes a major winter-weather market and our data-processing requirements become considerably more complicated.
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